The broken past and the broken future

Isn't it beautiful the way things have a way of sorting themselves out for the better?

I had the harrowing experience of dating a guy who was a horror as a partner. His temper was one noone could reckon with and his defiance of any type of regulation left him pouting stubbornly or sulking outside the door while I waited anxiously inside, waiting for the moment to pass. He's a guy who would get into fisticuffs if a fly as much as stared at him and no amount of begging and pleading would spare the said fly from his wrath.

Broken tumblers, damaged chinaware and the final act - a walk out with the threatening swear never to step in again would follow every visit to my parent's house and there were days on which I would stand nervously, all alone, partnerless at some wedding or reunion, just because he wasn't in the mood to socialize. Very often he'd stand stoically with an air of indifference as I broke down and cried. My pleas would always fall on intentionally deaf ears and standing dumbly as a lone guest, I would never quite have the right words or excuses to save me from complete embarrassment.

He never made an effort to support the family. I would sometimes beg him to go out there and make a living so that we could support ourselves without being at the mercy of debt-collectors but he was almost always out of work. He couldn't maintain a job because he'd get itchy feet, never able to stay in one place at a time and very often getting into blows with his superiors. Out of the goodness of my heart, I would squeeze out my life's savings just to get us both through the day.

I don't know what it was that separted us as a couple but God knows it was for the best. The agony I could have suffered at his hands would have taken away many years from my existence. I would have lost my smile, my passion and my confidence. He would never have made a good dad to my little kids - my precious children.

Today I'm on my own again, living my life and loving it. But every now and then, I remember the painful past and how bad things could have been and it's a bittersweet feeling I have.

Sorry I bored you guys with all this. I just had to vent it all out.