Change

When I set foot off the white van I made my early morning way to the airport in and onto the tarred road outside the Bandaranaike International Airport, it was a heart full of innocent anticipation and hitherto inexperienced eagerness that surged through my clueless mind. The trip was going to be a fantastic voyage (as Coolio once crooned). What could go wrong? I mean I was on a journey to the deepest depths of South Asia, and I was to return with a “brimful of Asia” - with beautiful memories that would last me a life time! I had just had a superb morning full of well wises and “come back safe”s from some of the best friends in my life and it was a feeling of warmth and wanted ness that flooded through my soul.

Truth being told, I was to share my journey with 20 odd others who were in their twenties and thirties, even forties and we were going on WORK. It wasn’t a paid vacation, it was paid work! We’d each paid up every cent that was to be given in order to have the most minimum of comforts including expenditures extending to the most basic needs which included day to day food items. This was certainly not some pleasure cruise! We were on a mission. We were focused and dedicated to completing the work that we set out to accomplish in Chennai and Bangalore.

How could such a trip change my life?
To put it simply, it made me quit.

Yes. It made me quit the work that I was involved in that made me a candidate for the journey in the first place, muster up my refusal to rub shoulders with and partner with my co-workers anymore and most of all, lose my faith and belief in the system that was exposed to its weakest tatters during this one off trip to India.
The trip was a farce. I was devastated to realize that I was the only one showing even some semblance of objection to the fact that we were not showing any interest in achieving a single objective or target that had been put forth in our holier than thou “intentions” package.

Time that was supposed to see us engaged in work was spent on shopping sprees and traveling to holiday sites. What on EARTH was going on? I couldn’t believe my eyes.

The group meanwhile had steadily broken itself into cliques. There were internal politics that never existed before the journey began, now coming in swiftly to play miles away from home, turning the sweetest face into the ugliest stare.

I in the meantime, who kept out of it all, started missing home badly. Sri Lanka was a call away but what was worse was my disintegration as a person. I too was in danger of ceasing to be that boy who cried foul in “The Emperors’ Clothes”. I was the only voice protesting aloud.

Soon I became just another voice in my own head. The gentle protests were of no avail. There was no way this single person devout and dedicated to the cause of work, could break through this line of corruption with much success.

I had grown weary.

On my return to Sri Lanka, I was a changed person. I had lost faith in the very Institution that promised so much by way of work experience and advancing myself. I had witnessed how a bunch or seemingly nice twenty and thirty and forty year olds can turn guns at each other within a matter of days and exhibit their true colours if only they were exposed to the right circumstances. And I knew in my heart that this was a sham.

And so I quit.

People say that I was the brightest in the pack. They say I had so much potential! But four months later, I’m free, I’ve embarked on a different journey and most importantly, I’ve left behind a world that was dragging me down to make me one with it – a world that takes your money in exchange for your soul, pitting you against the highest in society who at the end of the day aren’t all that intelligent to begin with.

I’m sorry if I sounded arrogant. I’m not.

But the that trip to India that was supposed to make a difference in my work life, turned out to be one that ensured I would never be on that plane with my co-workers ever again, because I made my decision to leave.

And leave I did. But not without vehement protests and sympathetic arguments that I was the shining star among the group. How would they ever understand that I was way past farcical living, way past shamming for a living and most of all, beyond the borders of pretence when it came to cheating on work? I didn’t cry out “cheat”. Instead I quietly made my way out and by December, I was free of any encumbrances and on my own again.

I guess the reason why I brough this up is because there are so many times in our lives when things just don’t seem right. People may do things their way and they have a right and privilege to. But you also may have your own way of seeing things differently or doing things right in keeping with your own code of ethics or the values you were brought up with. Honesty and integrity may be important to you while your neighbour, friend or colleague may pay scant respect to the things that you hold dear according to your own creed. At such times, don’t be afraid to stay true to who you are. You don’t have to be part of the herd. You are your own person. I quit, because I had to. But in some of our cases, it may just be a matter of listening to your own heart and doing things diligently the way you know they ought to whilst remaining part of a system, that may not always pat you on your back when you do the right thing.

At such times … Pat your own self on the back. Remuneration will always come by way of conscience, freedom, happiness or simply a sense of joy in knowing you lived as you believed. I know I did.

I left, as I believed …..

I try to keep my faith in my people
But sometimes my people be actin like they evil
You don’t understand about runnin with a gang
Cause you don’t bang
And you don’t have to stand on the corner and slang
Cause you got your own thang
You can’t help me if you can’t help yourself
You better make a left
Come along and ride on a fantastic voyage
Slide, slide slippity slide
I do what I do just to survive
Come along and ride on a fantastic voyage
Slide slide hoo ride, that’s why I pack my 45
-Coolio