Too detrimental

There is a dilemma of contradiction in my soul. I wonder what I deservedly ought to embrace at this point in my life? On the one hand is a man whose been through the drill and has taken liberties to consider me to be this girl whose kind heart he takes for granted.

And then on the other is this better brought up guy who is mannered, naturally God-loving and exceptionally nice to me, being a blessing to me by contributing to the growth of my own soul by sending me such inspiring and beautiful messages and showering love and genuine concern into my soul.

Most of the time, I find myself enjoying the company of the former, especially when he's good to me and makes me feel special and loved through everything he says and does. But at the same time, I have grown deeply aware of how easily he can drill a hole in my heart by stubbornly and carelessly, nonchalantly and deliberately making changes into my well being and consciousness of God by de-barring me from blossoming as a beautiful woman of God. And the growth is something that I truly need in my life.

The condemnation and self-depreciation that I go through because of him is something that I have thankfully kept to myself and not shared with him, as I am only too well aware that to do that would be to accept that he occupies a central place in my life.

It's up to me now to take hold of what I personally hold dear in my life and take a stand. I am a godly, holy saint and I will never be able to get away from that because that is God's calling into my life.

Anything then that takes me away from that, is something I need to get rid of.

The time has come. I am ready to say goodbye to the relationships that have taken me down and to give myself room to be proud of the person - the woman that I am called to be.

I'm letting him go.