Self-belief

Staying away from someone has given me so much space that I've been able to breathe again. There's absolutely no inclination on my part to initiate contact again and I feel that this is partly due to the showdown he had with me last Thursday. Like a true scorpio, I haven't been able to come to terms with the fact that he needs me to understand that the reason he's afraid he'd get his heart broken is because I've grown so special to him.

On the one hand I understand him but then again on the other, a part of me retorts to the fact that he would cause me this much pain by not believing in me.

Perhaps the reason for this is that I don't believe in myself adequately enough. Perhaps this is why I've depended so much on someone else believing in me and mirroring back this self-belief.

Then again when I think of all the times I have been far from truthful in my dealings with him, I grow more and more ashamed. He has always been honest with me, transparent and truthful, and as much as he revels in it, it IS his due. He's been a good friend and a good person which is a far cry from what I could say about myself.

Whether or not he is a good influence, is left to be seen. I wouldn't consider him to be a good influence. But I have to say, there are times when he has tried very hard to comfort me and to make me feel secure by offering solutions the best way he knows how to.

I need to believe in myself more. It's time I did that so that I would grow in self-security and be confident enough to stand on my own two feet, without depending on him.

I feel determined to do this from now on.