Affair with myself

Today is definitely a very special day in my life, because it’s a day when I learnt to love myself and connect with who I am.

“Love yourself?” you may ask. It’s a simple thing isn’t it? Loving yourself is something almost anyone would do.

So you would think. Well I didn’t. Not until today.

You see I had grown distant from myself and started self-doubting to almost dangerous proportions of lows. I had quit talking to myself, finding out what I think, what I like, what I feel … the interaction I had with myself had stopped almost months, if not years ago.

I realized that my life-schedule was such that I had busied myself with the affairs of activity and its many duties and rituals which were burning me out and making me someone that was barely recognizable to my own self.

The danger in that happening is that you no longer know who are and therefore have troubling understanding yourself. When you have trouble understanding yourself, there is precious little one can do in your time of worry, trouble, anxiety and perplexing need, to help you out and get you into a position in which you could be satisfied and at peace again. Because you lose who you are in the process, and it’s seldom easy to find yourself in a hurry in situations that pose more than a dilemma at a time.

Today all that changed. I took time to get to know me again. - To listen to my own heartbeat, - to get to know how I’ve been doing all these months and years, - to rid myself of all those old hurts and mistakes, prejudices and impulsive wrongs – all of which I had gone through in my life the past couple of months.

- To ask myself why I had gotten myself into those situations and to try and understand myself.

- To be gentle with myself and see myself through the eyes of the eternal God and not my own selfish eyes.

- To know when to draw the line when it came to believing myself and what I know to be true as opposed to what the world has to offer.

- To not be afraid but merely to understand with wise and sound perception that there truly is a difference and to not be afraid to live in that difference.
Today was indeed epiphanic and I’m thankful for this day. This beautiful day that God gave me.