Letter about change

Dear Mary,

What is truly important in life has been avoiding looking me in the eye for a very long time now. But now I’ve come face to face with the Beautiful Person of God and I know that I have scrambled my way back into His arms again and I feel safe and secure.

I think my previous letters were only an indication of what I’ve been going through the past 4-5 years and the desperation has been spiraling its way into the quality of my existence for way too long for even the most patient person's comfort. There was a frustration, a hopelessness that I left unexpressed, that made me get hurt for the slightest thing, downgrade my super ego to ego level and my ego to its most primitive form of Id … ! And the funny thing is, as is true of any human being on earth, I was wearing this façade of everything being alright on the outside while inside of me was a terribly frightened little girl who was scared to face the world with all its huge issues and what nots and relationships.

I don’t know if you remember my very first letter to you. It was about a destructive relationship in my life that turned me into someone who was constantly battling it out to remain sane just because somebody else had a paranoid way of looking at things. I was too emotionally attached and to that extent, the leeches of hurts and struggles to gain approval overwhelmed me. Despite my former inner insecurities (which I alone knew – and now you do too ) I’m generally a strong, happy, fulfilled and stable person but this friendship had me begging for forgiveness when it was I who was wronged, becoming who I really didn’t mean to, lying (yes I’m ashamed to confess that was true) and giving way more than I was getting.

But I feel renewed within me now and also certain of the fact that some apron strings are meant to be broken, certain relationships and friendships that are destructive to me, have begun to pale into insignificance and fade away.

I’m only a few hours into this metamorphosis in my life but I’m thankful for one thing. When all is said and done, the eternity perspective and the constant knowledge that God is who He is, bigger and greater than all things and ever present if only we’d let Him into our lives through His son Christ Jesus who has cleansed my heart and made it start beating again, keeps me living life with a brand new zest and an innocence that makes me cherish all that is around me. Having said that, there is a strength within me that makes me stick by my individual beliefs, stand up for my opinions and stay with what I have, because I truly have a lot for as long as I have me!

Love,
Sarah