Living the dream

There was a time when darkness hovered around my existence and clouded my judgment and self-belief, strangling my sanity into fragments of insecurity, fear, loneliness and inadequacy, when confusion and the terror of the nights made all of my worst nightmares come true. I have suffered in the past and been through the worst of times in my life.

9 years out of that hell hole that was life, the dramatic turn that my life has taken is nothing short of a miracle.

I look at my sad, oftentimes dark journey through life and look back at the paths that have been mud-splashed with loneliness and fear, terror and heartbreak and look at myself in the here and now. Could this all be a dream?

Fast forwarding into life today, I’m a beautiful woman who is in shape, with a figure I never had before. If I may say so myself, I have a beautiful body and I remember a time when I had too many sorrows in my heart to even take care of myself. I would never have thought that I’d be looking as pleasing as I do and feeling so good, too!

My work gives me so much joy and satisfaction that it’s mind boggling that I should be in this place, doing what I’ve dreamt of doing from the time I was a kid. When I think about it, this is what I wanted to the “d”. It’s the exact same vocation I used to daydream about and my personality compliments it as much as my passion and heart do.

I have found myself, and find contentment in EVERYTHING. No matter who I am with or where I have gone, I’m the same consistent person and the peace is something that’s in the core of my being. I know exactly who I am and there are no more hard efforts to “fit in” or gain approval. My confidence is in my own philosophy and that philosophy has been the key to my success.

So many years ago, I felt like an “also ran” one of many who idolized a certain person who I would look at from afar and wish I could just catch a glimpse of. I remember just remaining there, alone, gazing long after the rest of the crowd went away, so full of admiration for this person.

And now?

Here I am, loving the best friend of my life, that SAME person I adored so many years ago, a man that others were crazy about, who never took notice of their attention-getting moves and offers to cook his dinners and lunches or constant encircling but fell completely in love with - me.

He’s the one who’s there to talk to be it night or day. The one I can call up in the wee hours of the morning or the latest stroke of midnight. He holds me when I’m crying and comforts me when I’m sad. He argues with those who he thinks may even vaguely utter a bad word about me and tells them that he will never hear a word if it’s something about his best friend. He cleans up after me and feels my head while I sleep against him. He holds my hand when we cross the streets. He’s the person who’s always been there for me and reflected my best qualities back to me.

The time we spent together today will always be in my memory. I will never forget the movies he brought to my remembrance. One about a faithful wife who remains sweet in the midst of her husband’s adversity and the other about Julia, the beautiful girl who proves that good girls don’t finish last. He reminded me about all those things that I once loved doing. Like the beauty of a movie and its power to distract you to the point of absorbing a fairy-tale. He showed me the efficacy of movies in teaching me about life and intellectualism. But more than that, he just brought me joy, comfortability and drew light on the ADULT that I am, and that is what I treasure the most, about him.

All in all I’m having an amazing re-run of my life, and I just can’t thank God enough for it. It’s all a dream, and I’m living that dream.