Reversal of loves

I had gotten strangely fond of him the last couple of days and I felt an old familiar love for him creeping into my soul especially when I realized that he wasn’t responding to my love the way he used to. His slightly detached nature, the way he ignored my beauty and never said a word about how sweetly I spoke, the way he removed his arm from my shoulder and refused to kiss my lips only made me thirst for him and long after him more.

My memories slowly slipped back into the times when I would call on the three guys who were manning the station and how wonderfully pleasant it was when they kept me wonderful company. The beauty of those moments when I could express my innermost chatters at midnight, to the trio made me realize that I was indeed a little chatterbox who only had to find her muse. The desperation with which he would long for me to come online was always stretched over periods when he would also ask me to call him later as he had just started catching up on some sleep.

I realized that I was most in love when I was most ignored. It was his pursuing that made me want to distance myself away from him but with every little thing he did to make me feel unwanted, he seemed to rouse my deepest feelings into longing for him all the more!

And this was a strangely nice place to be in.

Of all the movies I had watched in recent times, these two were magical in that they were watched by a keenly thinking mind that could not help but absorb this whole atmosphere in, of being next to this man who seemed to harbour no feelings for me. That in itself brought some dignity back into our relationship and rejuvenated me in ways that I could never ever share with him. It made me long to touch his hand and hold it in mine. For if ever his fingers did brush my fingertips, they would melt me into a helpless baby whose fingers gripped his, longingly.

I felt like I had grown up. Grown into this beautiful person that I could become, the person that he was bringing me into. This person who didn’t just call him for the sake of calling or call him to just breathe silence into the phone, but a person who could make some intellectual conversation whilst being steadily balanced, kind, cheerful and sweet.

The manner in which he had introduced me into the reading habit once again made me realize that life had more to it than my own little world. I was learning to enlarge it and expand it further than my widest imagination. I was learning to dream and to be happy, creative and always shining.

I never thought that I would be the one longing for his calls or wishing that I could call him yet his stance was making me fall terribly in love. But this was something I would enjoy and not express to him! I felt that this was my turn. My turn to have a crush, savour an attraction and feel the flutters in my heart.

It was time to let him go.